You know… I said to myself when I started this blog that it was going to be about books and my writing journey. So far I have only posted about books and not about the other stuff that it’s my day-to-day when it comes to becoming a published author.
Currently I’m reading Jeff Goins book “You Are A Writer (So Start Acting Like One)” and he says in the Intro of the book something that was like… It made me stop… And I just wanted to slap myself, honestly, because it was something that I have thought about every day but never actually seen it like it is, like IN MY FACE, until now.
It’s a choice, writing is. One that belongs to you and me. We get to choose it (or not) every single day.
It’s scary how this quote really hits home with me.
I have know that I love to write since I was 14 or so. I did wrote a few stories at the time and keep doing it here and there as I got older. But lately it seems like it’s harder than ever to just sit and write, when I used to do it for hours on end years ago. The simple way of the words flowing through me to the document on the computer it’s not so simple anymore and I often wonder, why?… why it’s so hard when years ago it wasn’t?
Thinking this through for a few days, while I try to piece this blog post together, gave me the answer that was hiding under a lot of possible reasons why. And it was so brilliantly blinding that I just wanted to slap myself a lot of times when I finally saw it… with some help from Jeff obviously.
At some point in your journey, you find yourself writing for the approval of others, not for the pure love of the craft. You’re not longer satisfied with you passion, and there’s nothing you can do about it.
And that quote right there just sums up my problems with writing a book to get it published someday.
I could end this blog post here but, what’s the point? I want to talk to you a little more about this problem that I finally see and I’m sure a lot of you out there are dealing with or even, some of you, don’t recognise it, just like I didn’t before.
My situation is that I keep thinking and thinking about the people who eventually could get my book and read it. And the questions in my head about my current project are like this:
Would people like the story? Could they understand that my character is like this because of the past? Should I write the past of my character for the book? It’s so bad and so… bad… I shouldn’t… But the story doesn’t make sence without explaining the past! What if people get put off by the scenes? But nobody will get why my character is the way it is without showing what happen before this… Or maybe I’m just being silly… Right? No?
I over react sometimes but the point is that I try to please the future audience instead of writing for the fun of writing, like I did before when I was a teenager in love with singers from boy bands and some character from a japanese tv show.
When I was younger I wrote because I wanted to write. I wrote because it felt good to put down the ideas from my head that kept calling me time and time again to be there, in the page, on a document that it was only for my own eyes but for me it was perfect.
I can also pin point the exact moment when things started to change in my writing, and it wasn’t a year ago when I got the fantastic idea for the story that I’m battling to write at this time. It has everything to do with a fanfiction that I was writing with a friend for my account on www.fanfiction.net (my account it’s still here) and we had a fight, stop talking and the story just hangs in there… even now.
Noticing that I develop followers with that story I try to keep writing it but it wasn’t never good enough for me. I was always afraid of my readers don’t liking it or just stop following or just being bad at writing, which when I started with that story, I didn’t even care that people were reading it. I wrote it for me and my friend, for us, for the fun of sitting on breaks and daydream the story up to a point, which I would write in 2 days tops and post.
The pictures shown how I used to write when I couldn’t get my hands on a computer fast enough. The ideas just drove me insane until I put them down on something! And yes… I do have crazy small handwriting!
That is how I end up with 2 notebooks full of stories in the middle of classes that I had to take notes also. For that reason you can find stuff like and for a weird sense of comfort I write more and better in the middle of a class. It’s like the inspiration just comes at the most inconvenient of times hahahaha
The bottom line is that there’s a lesson to be learned here and I just like to quote people when they do an amazing job so I will quote Jeff Goins again, for the finish touch of this blog post… I bid you adieu…
Stop writing for accolades, and start writing for passion